Just Say No

So I go to Walmart to get one thing and as is always the case and I came out with five. Creature of habit that I am I park in the same area and come in the same entrance. At this entrance they have produce on one side of the aisle and exercise apparel on the other. Those merchandisers are no dummies however, I AM because on EVERY trip I peruse the apparel. I mean you can’t be $15 for tights right?

On this most recent excursion I spot a purple jacket and tank, which are must haves, because PURPLE.  I  looked for some track pants but there were none to my liking. For some reason I looked down one of the racks and saw what I like to call “yoga booty shorts”. Thinking since I’m old and hot, ie. prone to a flash or five I’ll try them. They had my size so in the basket they went.

Woke up the next morning for some yoga and decided to give the booty shorts a test run. They were light and and fit nice or so I thought…

Downdog #1 I felt them creeping
Forward fold #2 I felt them twisting
Pyramid #3 I felt them bunching.


By Svanasana time half my azz was out. I had to snatch that out wedgie before I could relax.

Now I’m not about to say I’m going to say no to the fitness apparel at the Mart. However I will say a hellnawl to those yoga booty shorts in the future…


Unless they are money back guaranteed to not ride up in to the nether regions of my fanny.

What about you? Have you ever had a wardrobe malfunction with your fitness gear? Do tell in the comments and in all the usual places.

Until next time, see you on the mat where my hind parts will be fully covered.

Also: for more yoga follies check ye olde broad out on Instagram.
Photos: MsThorns

4 thoughts on “Just Say No

  1. Last week while I was in Vegas for the apparel show, this guy at a yoga themed store gave me a pair of yoga pants in hopes that I would call back and put in an order. His sales pitch were their yoga pants were made from recycled refined water bottles! He asked what size I wore, so feeling bloated at the time I told him a large. Fast forward to my last night in Vegas, I had to attend a networking happy hour at the Lily Bar in the Bellagio Hotel at 7:00 and catch my red-eye flight back to Atlanta at 10:15 pm. So I decided to pack something quick to change into for the plane which consisted of those free yoga pants, a t shirt and flip-flops. Rushing to the airport of course, because I had to have at least one wine I changed in the back seat of the Hummer. When I got to the ticket check-in the lady told me “Oh, you have to hurry, your plane is about to board and you have to catch a train. You’re gonna have to RUN!” Panicking, I dashed to the security line which was long and winding and slow. I was like, Oh Lawd, please don’t let me miss my flight! Once I got thru security I was free to run to the train. Low and behold when I do, those free LARGE yoga pants start to sliding down! So now I am struggling trying to run, hold up my PANTS, hold onto my purse AND carry on bag!!! Man, you talking about a work-out?!!!! Geeesh, NEVER AGAIN!!! Moral of my story…Always try on exercise gear before you wear them, for trial and error!

    1. 😂😂😂😂😂 omg too funny! I agree though, try on and test in real world conditions. Running for a plane is a helluva test. Sorry they failed. Lol!

  2. I have some long tights that I picked up. The price tag had one size. The inner tag had another size. I didn’t check the proper tag for sizing. They’re too big in the waist. I didn’t find this out until about 6mos after purchasing. Which means I didn’t have the receipt. Tried to do an even trade and those things haven’t been back in stock at Walmart all year. I wear them anyway, but have to roll the waist band down so they fit. They’re still a little loose on the legs, but they’ll suffice.

    -RAP, II

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